What is Respite Care?
I cared for my mom when she was dying from lung cancer way back in 1998, and I had a one-year-old son running around. He had just learned to “walk,” but it was more of a mix between a lurch, a scurry, and a head-first dive. It was the opposite of relaxing to follow him around from room to room as he stumbled into table corners and bumped into walls like a fast-paced pickleball dinking match.
I would put my son down for a nap and then tend to my mom; I would brush her teeth, take her to the bathroom, wash her face, and give her medication. I experienced bone-crushing exhaustion and I was just twenty-eight at the time. My dad was the other caregiver/food guy—making her eggs and milkshakes and checking in on her frequently. We had each other to lean on, to give the breaks we needed.
Taking care of your loved one is a heavy responsibility, and if you can take a break, I recommend it. The learning curve is steep for hospice caregivers as most have never had the experience of physically caring for an adult human. You may have other jobs and responsibilities, or if you are elderly, you may have your own host of health issues. Oh, and don’t forget the grief that is an unwelcome but persistent companion. Whew.
“Self-care is not self-indulgence, it is self-preservation.”
If your loved one’s hospice services are paid for by Medicare, your hospice must be able to provide an option for a five-day respite stay. Medicare will pay for your loved one to stay in a Medicare-approved facility for five nights. This is for the specific purpose of giving the caregiver a much-needed break. Even the government knows it is nearly impossible to give compassionately from an empty, depleted, weary, cranky vessel.
If you just gasped or started daydreaming of curling up in a fetal position with a fuzzy blanket and some tissues nearby, consider calling your loved one’s hospice team to get this ball rolling.
The blessed social worker will help coordinate. Most hospices have a contract with a facility, and you may be able to visit the facility first. It will not be perfect and will not have the exact loving care you provide, but I think the benefit may outweigh the cost of continuously caring for your loved one as you get more and more grumpy, tired, frustrated, anxious, depressed, angry, weary, or resentful.
Five things to DO while your loved one is on a respite stay:
Write out your list of 393 things to do and choose five that are the most important and least time-consuming (I just don’t think cleaning out the basement will fill up your tank).
Write out your list of 23 things to do that sound nourishing and choose five to do.
Connect/take a walk with a life giving/attentive/good-listening friend.
Lie down.
Take a shower every day.
When I come home after working at my hospice in-patient unit for eight hours, I take a shower and lie down for twenty minutes (sometimes up to ninety minutes). I am a new person after this rest: I am happy, skippy, singing songs…a much better human to be around. I think that is my goal— to be a compassionate caregiver and nice human, and for me, this requires some sort of consistent replenishment.
Caring for your loved one is a physically, emotionally, and spiritually rewarding job which also has the potential to be physically, emotionally, and spiritually draining. The hospice five-day respite benefit may help you get the rest you need to continue to be the compassionate, loving caregiver you want to be.
Blessings.